The greatest thing, You’ll ever learn,
is just to love, and be loved, in return….
They say that strong people forgive. They say that strong people are not bothered. They say… a lot of things. Have you ever known someone who is always ready to jump to the aid of someone in need? Have you ever watched a person whos smile is infectious, laugh and impart happiness and good feelings on a room full of people? Have you ever know someone who just seems to always know what to say? You love these people, right?
Have you ever watched as they quietly retreat from the crowd to go back to their room or respective space? Have you ever asked if they are ok? No one worries about these happy people. No one knows that they took every single bit of joy they could muster and imparted it on everyone else leaving them exhausted and void of the ability to breathe. They retreat to cry or rest until they can pull it together again.
Have you ever watched someone in a care taker situation where they are desperately trying to help other people? A friend maybe. If you have, you have watched as they begin to lose themselves. They change, withdraw and start pulling away. In their attempt to save the world, they lose themselves. It’s kind of like drowning.
I read a post this week where a girl “thanks her ex”. We should all thank an ex. Every single relationship, love related or not, teaches us something. I have always loved the “You fall in love three times” advice everyone seems to give. I think maybe you do, but the last one is not explained very well in the rambling articles….I will get to my point.
I am going to skip all of the advice they give, it’ s pictured above. This is how those three times have played out in my life. The first time I fell in love with an amazing man and bad timing. He was patient, he was kind, he was never going to be mine forever, but Lord I tried. He taught me how to love. He loved me in a way that left me with the desire to love other people that well at all costs. (Maybe because I failed at loving him the way he loved me)
I fell in love the second time, with an amazing man and his amazing daughter and family. I loved them the way the first loved me. I found them in a space where they needed to feel loved and I didn’t worry about myself until I felt totally empty. Here I learned how I need to be loved and how the first felt when we ended. It’s exhausting to love someone so much that you lose yourself. It’s hard on both ends receiving and giving. On the receiving end it is so easy to get caught up in how good it feels to twirl around on a pedistool that you do not even notice that it’s been months since you were thankful or gave back. You get addicted to the high of feeling loved and forget to notice when they retreat and cry themselves to sleep because they don’t feel loved anymore.
On the giving end, your joy comes from watching them twirl. You think you can do this forever and you don’t need anything else. All you need is for them to know you love them. It’s not, you need to be loved too. We are all searching for someone who is going to put us first the way we do for them.
Eventually this becomes a cycle. You save them. You feel amazing. Then you become the victim as no one notices that you are out of energy. That you can’t get out of bed. That you cry yourself to sleep after they go to bed. And let’s be honest, all they notice is that the way you make them feel has changed. They get angry as you turn into someone else. They go back to the people they were, everyone changes and no one is ever healed. The cycle keeps spinning and spinning….
JUMP OFF the wheel. You jumped on. You are not a victim and you now have all of the information you need to know what you need and want. You now know how you need to be cared for, and you know you will survive if someone else doesn’t do it. You can do it. The third person you should fall in love with is yourself. It’s what you wanted for other people, it’s what you want for your kids and family and friends. Now, you do it too. Take yourself to do all of the things you waited for someone to go and do with you. Call your friends and watch as they enjoy having you back and laughing again.
I spent a long time worried about if people like me. This week for the first time ever in my entire life, as I walked into a situation that I would normally not have; I didn’t find myself wondering what the people around me thought. I found myself wondering what I thought or even if I thought about them. How many people do we spend forever feeling bad about ourselves over, because they don’t like us? Do you like them? Does this impact your life? Do you like yourself?
That last question. It’s all that matters. Do you like yourself? Not are you perfect? Not anything else. Are you doing the best you can? Are you learning? Are you growing? Do you like the person you are becoming? If the answer is yes, then you have everything you need in life other than God. Well done.