Good People. Commonly defined by everyone differently and usually based on whether or not these people serve our best interest. When is the last time you asked yourself if you serve your best interest? Have you been spinning around in a circle trying so hard to make the people you love, love you, that you have totally forgotten to love yourself?
When is the last time you made a decision to protect yourself and do whats best for you? How often do you let “good people” who’s opinions are important make you feel guilty about the fact that you have rights too. And one of them is the happiness they were willing to forgo yours over for someone else or themselves. Why do we worry about people who do not care about us?
Because we were taught that it makes us “good people”….. “Nice Guys” and “Nice Girls”. But what it truly does is make us anxiety ridden basket cases desperate for love. There is an actual syndrome called “Nice Guy” Syndrome… and it applies to women too. People who don’t say no, take on too much and do things they don’t want to, just to avoid upfront confrontation and feelings of disappointment. Leaving them angry, bitter, unfulfilled and a ticking time bomb likely to damage someone who didn’t deserve it. Maybe you’ve been the damaged party… maybe you’ve damaged someone else. I have been both.
The last two days I have been completely unsettled. The whole world has been upside down this year adding stress of the unknown for so many people. This morning I made a list of the people who have checked on and cared about me. I suggest you do too. Today I am here to remind you that Manipulation is real. People pretend to care to get you to do what they want, and no matter how hard you try some people will never love you.
Totally dismal right? NO! It’s empowering and it will set you free. It does not make you less worthy. It does not mean you don’t deserve love. It does not mean something is wrong with you. It means something is wrong with them. Go to books a million, buy the book “Boundaries”, go to church ask God for guidance, talk to someone who knows more about the choices you have to make, get a spreadsheet and figure out what is best for you. Only people who were only worried about themselves will ever be angry with you for doing whats best for you, and they were not worried about whether or not you doing what was best for them would put you in a bind. If you have tried everything to settle something nicely and still get nothing in return, you need to stop feeling guilty. Common decency doesn’t cost anything, and stop telling yourself they don’t know. They do. When you have to decide whether you need to believe someone is “That stupid” or “That Selfish”… they are usually that selfish. Those words came directly from someone with a masters in psychology and they shook my soul.
Liberty. It has been a huge topic this year in the wake of so many controversies. Liberty and the pursuit of happiness were not intended to infringe on anyone else’s happiness. But stop letting selfish people tell you you are selfish. Stop letting what is best for them define what is right for you. They have not let what is best for you stop them. And do not allow yourself to be put in a potentially bad situation for their comfort. Life isn’t happening to you. It’s a series of consequences for decisions you made…. that probably were not in your best interest. And putting your self in turmoil that isn’t selflessness… that is Martyrdom….
Stop striving to be ‘Nice Guys” and “Nice Girls”. Strive to be “Kind Men” and “Kind Women”. Humility is a commonly misunderstood thing. Humility does not mean to think less of yourself. It means to think of yourself less. But God never intended for you to give up your well being either. Know your value. And value is not always about money. Would an opportunity have existed without your help? That has value. Would a project you did not pay for have been completed without your physical labor? That has value. Would dinner have been made if you hadn’t bought the groceries even if you didn’t cook? That has value. You do not have to be ugly or mean. Just be honest and brave.
What does not have value is the opinions of people who do not care about you. The best thing I ever heard from a very worthy adversary was that “Our family does not feel the weight of your opinion”. It stuck with me. I woke up today thinking about it. And today “I do not feel the weight of theirs”. In that one phrase I remembered that my job is to do what is best for the people who are mine and the people who consider me theirs. Stop lighting yourself on fire to keep other people warm.